Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Fall in Love.....More than Once

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
- Alfred Lord Tennyson

I agree.

No matter how painful the loss may be, being in love, loving someone, being loved by someone, it all teaches you so much. At the end of the day, the pain is worth it. The pain is worth having known love, the pain is worth all of those wonderful memories.

If I have to experience the pain of losing love in order to fully understand and experience love then so be it.

At one point I thought I can't keep doing this. I can't keep falling and giving so much of myself for fear that I wouldn't have anything else left to give. But a close friend told me that once I met someone worthy I would find it in me. I would be able to love unconditionally. And she is right. There is nothing wrong with falling in love more than once. In fact, I think it's better.

Through every relationship that I have been in I have learned something. I have learned something about men, something about relationships, and always, something more about myself. I've grown with every relationship and I appreciate all of them.
I've been in love and I have fallen out of love. I've been in lust and fallen out of lust. Through it all I have come out a stronger woman and I can only be patient for the next moment that I will fall, fall uncontrollably in love.

And I will embrace that moment, taking with me every lesson I have learned, I will appreciate it. I will reciprocate the love given to me.

If not then what else is there to do? What else is there to do but love yourself and love someone else?

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Second Tattoo - March 4, 2011 - Orgullo Colombiano

My first tattoo didn't really hurt. It stung a little at first and then it just tickled. It also only took a total of about ten minutes to do.

After the first one I thought, okay, that wasn't bad, I wouldn't be opposed to another one. Plus I had one more open space for a tattoo, my left thigh. I figured that if I ever did get another one it would have something to do with my Colombian roots. But time went on and I didn't give it much thought.

Two weeks before my trip to Colombia in March I started giving the tattoo more thought. And I figured if I am going to get a tattoo of either the colors of the Colombian flag or words representing my Colombian pride I just HAVE to get it done in Colombia, how appropriate would that be?!?!?

Thinking about this tattoo was a lot harder then my first one. I changed my mind multiple times, I talked it over with my family in Colombia. As we drove through Medellin we thought of various phrases "Hecha en Colombia, Sangre Colombiana, 100% Colombiana, Alma Colombiana" etc. And the list went on...But of course some of these caused quite a stir because I wasn't actually made in Colombia, technically I am not 100% Colombian. I was born and raised in Massachusetts. But that's a whole other story, in my heart and in my soul I feel Colombian, I don't care what anybody else says. Again, the tattoo is for ME, not for anyone else.

But my cousins' wife suggested that I just go with an image and forgo the idea of words. A picture is worth a 1000 words, right? I knew I wanted the colors of the flag but not the flag itself. I googled a number of images and came across a ribbon with the colors and our crest and some words on it but instantly I thought, the ribbon is perfect. It just worked. I didn't want it to be too big or too complex. Simple, I wanted it simple, with just the colors of the Colombian flag: amarillo, azul, y rojo.

So I did it. I was freaking out at the tattoo salon, Tijuana Tattoo, odd name I thought. I was freaking out acting like I had not already gone through this process before. But I hadn't. This was a more complex tattoo, it was still small but it required filling in with colors. That hurt. Not the whole time but there were some parts of my thigh that, once hit, I felt it! It look longer then my first one. But once it was done I was in love. I still look at it every day and I am so happy with it.

I thought to myself who does that?!?! A second tattoo, colors of a flag of a country that I have never even lived in....but I do. I do that. I have an intense feeling of attachment to Colombia that I cannot even describe. That is who I am, if I were not Colombian I would not be the same person.

Monday, April 4, 2011

First Tattoo - January 8, 2008 - ENERGIA

While I was studying abroad a number of my friends decided to get a tattoo. I thought about it briefly but I was still unsure. I was unsure about what I would tattoo on my body and if it was something that I wanted to do in Santiago, Chile.

One of my friends had tattooed the word energia on her foot. I told Laisa about this and in talking to her she helped me realize that was the word for me.

Of course, how had I not realized? Energia: this was the best word to describe me.

I waited until I was back in the states and I went with my mom, Lilliana, Jonathan, and Esteban to get my tattoo. It was important for me to be there with my family. I thought about the font for hours until I found the one that I liked the most. Location? That was easy. I didn't want it to be anywhere that would be visible in a dress or that would stretch upon pregnancy, haha.

People ask me, why energia? I tell them I have a lot of energy. Okay, so? A lot of people have energy, doesn't mean they tattoo the word on their body.

But for me the word has a much deeper meaning. My Hermanas know this, my line sisters especially know this. Anyone who knows me knows how much energia I have. I love life, I love being, doing, going, etc. I always have energia, no matter what time it is, no matter what the situation is. That's just me. Now don't get me wrong, I do get tired and my body does need its rest, but that doesn't stop me.

The word means so much to me and every time I look at my tattoo I am reminded of my energia and of some very special memories. That's all that matters, the tattoo isn't for anyone else, it's for me.