Monday, September 12…as I drove away from my house and out of DC I felt an incredible pain. I was crying, I had an empty feeling in my stomach and my heart physically hurt. This feeling was familiar…last time I felt this pain was March 6, the day I left Colombia.
I couldn’t believe it, I had no idea that leaving DC was going to hit me that hard. I was supposed to leave Saturday September 10th but I postponed my drive as much as I could. Monday morning everyone was at work so it was easier to leave then. That day I realized that I would always be torn between two worlds – my life here in the states, specifically Washington, DC, and my life with my family in Colombia.
I can’t say that I love one more than the other and I can’t say that one is better than the other. They are unique and special to me in their own way. It would be ideal if I could merge the two to become one, but then I don’t think they would be as special. I don’t think I would treasure my life and my experiences as much. But boy does it suck to leave one.
Sitting in my grandmother’s house, cousins coming in and out, aunts arguing, uncles telling jokes, all while eating some of the most delicious food I’ve had in my life to me is pure bliss. I am so happy when surrounded by my family. Beyond happy.
Then picture me sitting in my house in DC, eating brunch that I cooked with my friends, drinking mimosas and laughing, non-stop laughing…again pure bliss.
How do I choose between the two? I can’t. I just can’t say that one is better than the other. I can’t pick one over the other. I have to live in both. Back and forth between two worlds.
I can only think to thank God for giving me two amazing worlds filled with people that I love and show me love and support in return. I can’t be upset; I can’t continue to ask “why do I have to be apart from the people that I love so much?”
Instead I have to be grateful for these two worlds that I am torn between.
I totally relate to your post....I am sure others who were raised the same are and will forever be torn in between two worlds. It is difficult but I respect you for doing something I wish I could do. Enjoy it now because things change overtime and this will not last forever. Cherish every moment :)
ReplyDeleteMija, I feel you. Hence my why I'm developing a transportation device- a la Start Trek deep space 9! This way, we can be in both worlds on any given day of the week.
ReplyDeleteLove you!